Mended
by Pale Treasures
Summary: Pip and Estella take comfort in each other and their friendship now that both their lives have changed. One shot.


**Disclaimer: **The story and characters are property of Charles Dickens. I'm only borrowing them.

**Rating: **K+ for some angst

**Author's Note: **Loosely based on the 2012 film as I haven't read the book yet.

* * *

**Mended**

He had often yearned, in his youth, to see Estella again, to have the possibility to so much as say two words to her. He had not known what those two words might be, back then, only that he desperately needed to see her again, that the very thought of her made his heart swell to proportions that bordered on near anguish. Even so, he had relished that anguish, and hardly gave any thought to the faint, but persistent notion that there was not sufficient intimacy between them for them to know how to talk to each other.

His ardour had been left untouched and unfulfilled for many years. When he finally saw her again, he discovered that his speech was not affected by the sight of her and that he had no difficulty in thinking what words to produce. She was changed, a little wasted, but what beauty remained in her had ripened into something just as capable of attracting the eye as before. She was a woman grown now, and her mature looks bespoke of an appeal more deeply ingrained and quietly grown, not the mere freshness of a girl that more readily blinds the eye but rests on flimsy grounds. His heart continued its tranquil, steady beat in his breast. He gazed down at her and felt only compassionate fondness for the shadow of the poor, broken girl she had been, and which he perceived still ghosting through her older form. It was then that he knew something had changed, and that they might come together at last, but not in the manner of which he had dreamt.

She had not remarried after Bentley Drummle's death, and he wondered if she ever would again. He would not have blamed her if she chose not to. She looked to be quite enjoying her freedom. He visited her sometimes, and every now and then brought Joe's children at her request.

He came alone that day. Her manner remained as stately and deliberate as ever, but there was the subtlest of alterations, something that he had picked up on more through instinct that any knowledge gleaned by the senses. There was a new ease to her, to which he wondered if he was the cause, light, minute flickers of what appeared to be happiness. She had been bred in sorrow, but joy, however little and concealed it might be, suited her.

"I am glad you have come, Pip," the ghost of a smile graced her lips and was gone before long, but she squeezed his hands warmly. "I've been waiting for you for some time, now. I hope your visiting me today will not be an inconvenience to you."

"Not in the least," he assured her with a smile. "I make the time to come and see you most gladly."

Her smile widened and lingered this time. He was very touched by the sight, and squeezed her hands back with the same measure of affection.

The house was large and empty, but she did not appear lonely in it. The wide, silent spaces seemed to soothe her. For once, she was in command of her own existence, free to dispose of things as she pleased, to come and go knowing she owed no justifications to anyone but herself. It was something he himself had not truly valued until recently.

"I hope you've been quite well, Estella," he said, looking round the large room, his voice echoing in the utter stillness. Outside, he heard the faint sound of horses' hooves clattering past.

"I've been well enough." She came to a halt before him, her eyes scrutinising him far more knowingly than he would have thought possible. "I hope you're well too, Pip." Her voice grew softer, sympathetic.

His smile was not wholly without pain. "As well as it is possible for me to be."

Estella began to turn around and make her way towards the sofa. "That is something I understand."

He followed, sitting beside her. "Then you are suffering."

She smiled, ever so briefly and faintly, and shook her head. "No. I have felt pain all my life, even when I knew it was not what I ought to be feeling. This – my life as it is now – is altogether a happy one. Not happy as other people would think of the word, I dare say. But happy for me, who did not know such an existence was even possible. I feel quite light," she touched her breast, "here."

"I am very glad to know it, then."

"And if I am not mistaken, dear Pip," she proceeded gently, "you understand my meaning all too well, for I see the same look on your face."

He tried to smile. "I do. I am as happy as I ever will be until the day I die. It is not what I would have thought happiness to be in the past, either. Indeed, now I see my notions on the subject were quite misguided." His voice faded quietly.

"How?"

"I thought happiness would be living like a gentleman, becoming a different person altogether. Marrying you," he lifted up his eyes towards her in an apologetic glance. "I thought happiness was everything I had, for a time. But now I see it was nothing but a dream."

"Then you would not reclaim it, if it were within your grasp again?"

"No. It would do me no good; only force me to relieve past anguish and regret. It is an illusion, one I now know better than to pursue." The note of quiet gloom in his voice intensified.

"You are changed, Pip."

"It is to my sorrow that I did not change sooner."

There was a long pause, which he did not try to break. After everything they had endured, it was not uncomfortable for them both to be silent during long periods of time.

"You said happiness used to be the thought of marrying me. Is it not anymore?" she asked quietly, her gaze fixed on the floor.

He looked up at her and held her gaze sadly. "No, dearest Estella, not anymore."

"The feelings you had for me... they are gone?" There was a note of mournfulness in her voice, but her gaze was clear and sedate, still fixed upon the frilled edge of her dress fanning out across the floor.

"I was an inexperienced boy, taken from my usual situation and blinded before the sight of great beauty. I loved you... with a boy's love. But although my fondness for you is strengthened, none of that boyish sentiment remains." He paused. She remained silent. "Forgive me, Estella. I do not mean to cause offence."

She looked up abruptly, but she was smiling. "The shackles that bound you to me were lifted. I am most glad to hear it. I knew, dear Pip, that loving me would be your ruin, regardless of whether or not I returned your love. Your infatuation was less fickle than that of many others, but it was still infatuation. I knew – hoped – that, for your own happiness, it would pass one day."

"Then, you were wiser than I was all along. As you did try to tell me."

Estella's lips twitched at the corners, a sight most unusual in her. In fact, he was certain he had never seen it.

"We are better this way, Pip," Estella said, her gaze meeting his, "are we not?"

"Yes," he squeezed her hand. "We are."

Her expression sobered. "You are the dearest friend that I have, Pip. I have no one else now, I don't think I ever did, but you would remain so had I a thousand more friends."

His grip on her hand tightened. "Then, I'm glad to know it. I want us to be good friends. You mean a great deal to me – and I will not desert you, not if I can help it."

Estella's lips twitched again in a tremulous smile. He saw the wet glimmer in her poor, wounded eyes. "It is good of you to say so. Thank you. I should like us to be good friends as well."

"You don't think of remarrying, Estella?" he asked very gently, keeping her hand between both of his.

She shook her head decisively. "Only if forced – and the good thing about being alone and friendless is that there is no one left to force me. So I will not. I am determined that I will not, even if my very subsistence depends upon it." She paused and looked at him in her knowing manner again. "And what about you, Pip?" her voice was tender. "Will you remain single? Have no children of your own?"

He cracked a somewhat sheepish smile. "I have Joe's little ones, and they do quite well enough for me. Indeed, everyone has already despaired of me ever marrying, myself being the first."

"I hope I was not the one responsible for that."

"No, dear Estella, indeed I no longer think you were. It was a great many things."

"The past has a way of jumbling one's life so, that, when we try to delve into it to seek the reasons for our misfortune, we can no longer perceive a particular cause, only the past as it is, almost greater than ourselves, beyond repair or change." Her tone was listless, as though she was no longer fully aware that he was there.

He let her words wash over him, not without surprise, and realised she was right. She had, to this day, a better way of putting things he was only beginning to understand.

"But we can mend our own hearts – full happiness may forever evade us, but we are beginning to recover. I am grateful for that, if nothing else."

Slowly, Estella looked up at him again. "I am too. I am thankful." She tried to smile. "Bring your nephew and niece next time. I should like to see them."

"I shall." He smiled.

Estella leaned forward and brushed her lips to his cheek. "God bless you, dearest Pip," her voice was filled with a gratitude and affection the likes of which he had never heard her express. "I would be truly lost without you."

He could only smile and press her hand more warmly still, trying to breathe through the constriction in his throat and breast. Tenderly, he touched his temple to hers, relishing the heartening contact, fully devoid of passion and hope now.

"I was not taught to be a good friend," Estella resumed at length, her countenance earnest as she looked upon him, her eyes wide and slightly anxious, "I was not taught to love. Sometimes, I wonder whether it is not too late for me. But I do love you, and I will try my best to be as good a friend to you as you have been to me."

"Then," he applied gentle pressure to the delicate hand still caught between his own, "that is quite enough for me."

* * *

_I am possibly the only person in the planet who doesn't like Pip and Estella together romantically. But I really like the thought of them being close friends and there for each other, and after watching the movie I had to write this. It borrows elements from the ending(s) of the book (which I haven't read yet but I'm more or less aware of what happens in it). I hope this is plausible enough._


End file.
